As a human being as I am, I am human. I am human because I have the qualities, attributes, and the inherent nature of man in me. I am just like how God created man to be. So I have strengths, and I have weaknesses. But as human as I am, my ego naturally drives me so close to my id than to my superego. My id pulls my ego with so great strength that normally, although my spirit has the will, my natural strength fails me. At other times, my sense of ambition in life makes me too anxious, so I find myself galloping like a horse ahead of God to get my ambitions fulfilled, without taking time to look well, before leaping. And this moves me up and down on the ladder of life, sometimes happy, sometimes unhappy, and at other times, dissatisfied. But God, as wise as He is, handles me wisely.
How does He do this?
God looks at me, and looks well at my humanity: how I am, just how I am. Then He, Omniscient, knowing my tomorrow from my today (probably because He himself created me, and because he knows the exact purpose for which He created me), turns my life the way He wants it to be, to fit such purpose.
And how does He do this?
Whenever my id tries to pull me away from my ego, God restrains me. When I lack the power within myself to halt this internal conflict, God himself, Omnipotent and wise of all, through His own planned, unknown circumstances, turns this around, and saves me. Sometimes He saves me by making me endure pain, both emotionally and psychologically; sometimes He punishes my conscience; sometimes He makes me experience physical pains, yet in the end, He saves me.
Aside this, whenever I get carried away by my ambitions, and I find myself stepping beyond His set mark, and galloping ahead of Him to get what I think I need, He restrains me. I may not know how He'll do this, but in the end, I see that He has restrained me from moving too fast. Sometimes I fail; sometimes I lose; at other times, I get last. With all these, He restrains me.
So I have come to understand one thing, and I am sure about this: my life, however I try to make it, is under the sole restraint of God. Whether I believe this or accept it or not, this is true. Therefore, I have also decided to be wise, and not move too fast or too slow; but to allow God Himself to keep on directing me. After all, He created me, He knows me better than even myself, He knows where He's taking me to, and knows how my future will be. For me I can anticipate and dream and wish countless good things for myself, but no matter how wisely I do this, if it is not in the plans of God for me, He will definitely restrain me.
He patiently restrains me from going too fast;
And prepares me for the best.
Yet being human I tend to think that I am last,
When others seem to be first.
But now, I know if futility on this door is cast,
He’ll patiently, open the next.
And prepares me for the best.
Yet being human I tend to think that I am last,
When others seem to be first.
But now, I know if futility on this door is cast,
He’ll patiently, open the next.
So now my prayer is: "O God, my creator, my sustainer, my source of life and wisdom, into Your Hands, I put the rest of my life. I am short-sighted, and cannot see the future. So You, O God, who knows all things, please take my hand, and lead me in Your own pace and wisdom, to where You want to take me to. Give me the grace to keep on relying on Your grace and strength and wisdom, and never mine. Amen..."
This is my true story, and may the Lord touch your life with it.
ISAAC ESSOUN
(By God's grace)
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